Days since last incident: 1 🥳

GM, GM. The bank runs seem to have settled down… for now, which means Bean Boy is back to give you all you need to know about Crypto, in 5 minutes or less. After an exhausting few days which created mass FUD and panic in all corners, we finally get to deliver news that doesn’t announce a ‘possible’ death of crypto. Anyway, let’s see what’s in the pod for today.

How we looking today?

If you were sidelined from the January high of ~$25k all the way back down to $19.8k and back to $25k, you probably outperformed 99% of traders and banks 😂, congrats !!! Luckily for the degens that need to be in a position 24/7 (yes, I’m talking about you and me), we should be seeing a lot of volatility soon with the upcoming CPI announcement today for the month 😐… Please don’t liquidate me again crypto gods.

HOW MUCH HAS META LOST ON NFTS?

Well, well, well. Who could’ve saw this coming? Yesterday, Meta announced that they f*cked up trying to integrate NFTs on Facebook, and Instagram for 10 months, most likely because it was draining their finances. It’s almost like integrating a product most people joke about isn’t the greatest idea. Don’t get me wrong Bean Boy trades NFTs as well, but these days making enough for McDonald fries can be hard. Makes sense why you don’t hear much about it these days 😭…

Anyways, Stephane Kasriel, head of commerce and financial technologies, announced that they’re returning to their previous ways of prioritizing creators, and businesses, aka. influencers, which I’m sure has much better cash flows. Talking about cash I wonder how much Meta lost from their NFT integration attempts because personally, I barely see anything related to NFTs on Instagram and Facebook. I check my feed once a month btw 👍 hopefully their Metaverse investments are doing much better 😬.

A 1-ON-1 SESSION WITH THE WOLF OF WALL STREET FOR $100K … WOULD YOU DO IT?

Recently, a Crypto Twitter (CT) anon under the name ‘Zoro’ announced that he/she/they spent $100,000 USD for a conversation with the one and only, Jordan Belfort, The Rug Puller of Wall Street.

At first I thought this was another shit-post that was going to meme Belfort, which it did, but seems like Zoro forgot to put ‘sike’ at the end of the thread. Anyways here are the summarized takeaways they got from the session.

1. Take action - Essentially ‘Just Do It’ by Shia LaBeouf

2. Time is Money - True, Bean Boy earns $12/hour at his local McDonald branch

3. Keep moving forward - Bro…. cmon

4. You need to be sharp, an expert and enthusiastic to win customers for life - Hmm… Sounds like the traits of a master scam artist

5. Take risks - Who would’ve thought…

6. Stay consistent - I think Belfort might have watched the new Creed movie before the session

Apart from these life changing tips, apparently they also discussed ways to improve Zoro’s metrics for his company which were kept private. I’ve seen posts on Linkedin talk about these things a hundred times and feel like the $100K could’ve been spent on better things, for eg, sponsoring Bean Boy 🤭. But obviously if Zoro can afford spending that much on a single session he’s doing a lot better than I am so I’ll remain sidelined on the topic.

IT’S 2023… AND WE’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT TERRA

Okay… who snitched? Yesterday, Manhattan federal prosecutors announced that they’re digging into Telegram conversations between employees from Jane Street, Jump Face and Alameda Research, determining if they manipulated markets during talks of bailing out TerraUSD which never happened. BTW, how is Do Kwon doing? Haven’t heard of him in a while, probably escaping the feds by staying low in the Middle East as usual. Now, now, the reason for the investigation was because an individual ‘familiar with the matter’ who didn’t want to be identified presented all this to the feds. SBF, this you?

To continue, representatives from each of the three firms either declined to comment or ghosted the email from the feds. Sus… too busy wiping out all of their messages on Telegram? Unfortunately Telegram isn’t that anonymous. Before any one tries to sue Bean Boy for defamation, none of these statements are confirmed and the investigation hasn’t confirmed anything, yet.

PEAS IN THE POD

• Bitcoin Crosses $24.7K, Sees Highest Liquidations over $100 M in Two Months

• Coinbase Officially Suspends Binance USD Stablecoin Trading. Looks like they had enough of CZ’s sh*t

• Jim Cramer Calls $BTC 'A Strange Animal', Says 'I Would Sell My Bitcoin Right Into This Rally.’ Pump my bags!!!

• BTC’s market cap has climbed to the 11th spot among top assets by market cap, sitting behind electric vehicle maker Tesla.

PEE-PEA OF THE DAY

HOW YOU BEAN - A READERS CONFESSION

Todays the day I make it all back. All those times I got FUDDED out by my friends and crypto influencers making me sell the bottom, f*ck them all. CPI is getting released today and I’m going to market enter and catch the right direction. I will make it all back.

DISCLAIMER: None of this is financial advice. This newsletter is strictly educational and is not investment advice or a solicitation to buy or sell any assets or to make any financial decisions. Please be careful and do your own research.